Poems and Ponders: A Collection of Original Thoughts
Exploring the world through words.
A world and a window
As you stare out the window
The world seems to pass by
With no hope and no glimmer
Just rain and no shine
Across the way is my window
Looking right back at yours
I see a girl made of beauty and love
If only she could see the world so pure
Through my window I leap
Straight toward that love so divine
As I place a mirror in front of yours
To help you see the world through mine.
A poem on depression, self-confidence, and the power of love.
Still or sparkling? They ask.
Oh what a silly question! I think.
For still is my selection as always, I say.
Sipping, still I forgo my curiosity.
Still or sparkling?
Thoughts of water in my glass.
Which do I prefer?
a haiku
As March 2020 comes to a close, the world is a substantially different place from when this month began. For students that means an abrupt ending to a school year, a time for seniors of both high school and college that is irreversibly lost. For workers that means a shift of environment and responsibility. For families that means a complete change in dynamics. And unfortunately for many, that means fear for safety, a lack of income, a lack of food, and for the most unfortunate a loss of life.
This is an extreme environmental pressure, and I believe its result on our personal development will be tremendous. Companies are challenged to be agile, to survive. Families are pressed to provide food and safety for more people than expected. And we, as individual humans, are faced with an unprecedented situation: pure, undistracted time with ourselves.
I’d like to introduce the idea of forced growth; a fixed period of rapid personal development shaped by extreme environmental pressures.This period, I hypothesize, will do one of two things to our development: speed it up, or slow it down. The way you advance through forced growthwill depend on how you utilize the time you spend with yourself. If you are someone who is fortunate enough to be able to seek opportunity instead of survival, it is essential to understand the implications this period will have on your development.
As an academic discipline, human development has been considered a continual, orderly, and sequential process. Thus, it’s considered fairly predictable by stages (Cavanaugh et al., 2017). Emerging adulthood, one example of apersonal development stage between the ages of 18–25, is characterized as an age of identity exploration and instability and is a widely accepted and predictable theory across cultures (Arnett, 2000). Counseling methods and theories rely on developmental predictabilities to provide relief throughout stage transitions. Forced growth, however, is independent of age, is nonsequential, and unpredictable. The remainder of this article will examine the effects of forced growth on the mind and the system, and provide recommendations for ways you can optimize this period to achieve positive results.
You have likely experienced some effects of forced growth on the mind. Social isolation has created anxiety, loneliness, and in some cases depression. Humans seek connection, and its absence is quickly noted. Failure to be proactive in forced growth will swiftly impact mental health. This section will address how to be proactive in stimulating the mind, what the results will be, and theory-backed counseling therapies to deal with potential negative ramifications on the mind.
Write down your goals, daily and long term. Even just one SMART (specific, measurable, attainable, relevant, time-based) goal every day will provide intent to your day. Crossing it off as completed at the end of the day will produce dopamine, the brain’s feel-good neurotransmitter responsible for boosting mood, motivation, and attention. While a longer-term goal may not provide that immediate chemical response, it will orient your mind to focus on what is essential. This will ease the stress on decision-making, and allow the subconscious mind to form relevant connections through day and night.
Indulge your curiosity. As we age, our curious thoughts are acknowledged and replaced by daily external stressors. With those stressors at a minimum, take time to follow your curiosities, even if they may not lead anywhere immediately. Your curious thoughts may lead to new passions and those passions to greater fulfillment and satisfaction. As you reconnect with your innate curiosity at heart, you will find boredom being replaced by what psychologist Mihaly Csikszentmihalyi calls flow, or time spent in genuinely satisfying experiences.
Adapt quickly. There will be numerous articles citing ways to improve your time in isolation. Frankly, last week’s events were substantially different from this week’s. Chances are, things will change, and they will change fast. It’s important when they do to dispute irrational thoughts (challenge the mind’s tendency to use “must be” or “ought to be” when describing beliefs), avoid overgeneralization (holding extreme beliefs over an individual situation and applying them to dissimilar events), and focus on ways you can make the most of your situation, whatever it may be.
If you optimize for growth, there will be positive results. I hypothesize that they will be substantial and transformational, and will include increased mental fortitude, increased self-confidence, accelerated professional and career development, deeper life satisfaction, and boosted creativity. Creating and pursuing goals, indulging your curiosity, and adapting quickly all have proven results under normal environmental pressures. Forced growth will serve to magnify and accelerate those results in a shorter, fixed time period.
There undoubtedly will be a mental toll from extended periods of isolation and social distancing. Mindfulness is the practice of bringing full attention to the present moment and will serve to alleviate the anxiety and stress of your extreme environmental pressures. Furthermore, it will bolster and reset your mind, allowing for more fruitful results from your growth optimization.
Meditation. Mindfulness meditation helps prevent mental rumination and is a therapeutic “reset” button for the mind. If you’re new to meditation and/or skeptical of the practice, try a brief five-minute meditation before bed. Meditation’s proven effects on insomnia and anxiety will allow you to wake up feeling rested and refreshed. More and more resources, both free and paid, are being released to assist with your meditative practices. However, meditation may not work for everyone, and there are other theory-backed counseling methods that may provide you support. There is certainly no catch-all solution, and different methods work for different people.
While the majority of forced growth is dependent on the mind, there are outside forces shaping your daily behaviors and cognitive functions. In 1979, Urie Bronfenbrenner developed the Ecological Systems Theory to explain the importance of the environment and context in which children grow up. The theory examines the influence of both the environment on the child and the child on the environment. Featuring five different systems, from the immediate microsystem to the existential chronosystem, Bronfenbrenner’s theory outlines the impact of these on the development of the child. Now, I hypothesize, this theory’s implications are no longer about just the child; they’re about people of all ages, across all stages of development. We’ll take a look at the microsystem and the macrosystem, and how they affect our development during forced growth.
Bronfenbrenner’s microsystem focuses on the face-to-face interactions of people in our home or our close circle. With most types of interactions eliminated during this time, the microsystem is now fully restaurant on our family interactions. It’s essential that we are cautious and considerate about these interactions as they will have a more profound impact now, no matter how old you are, or at what developmental stage you are in. The following recommendations come from research by Vanderbilt University’s Introduction to Counseling class.
Joining. It’s likely there is a significant difference in the household due to the reintroduction of kids from school, or generally, there is much more time spent with the people in the house due to work from home protocols. This will create disruption for everyone, not just you. Be prepared to collaborate and compromise with family members, making new routines or changes that enable a more cohesive environment.
Mapping.Recognizehow hierarchical structures may have changed in the household. There may be shifting alliances between family members and/or siblings, and these new structures can direct the family’s interactions. Before reacting, develop an understanding of how these relationships and patterns have formed within the family.
Restructuring. Work with your family to create healthy boundaries and change hierarchical structures to allow for stronger and healthier interactions. Discuss any changes in house rules, and how they impact everyone in the home. Be sure to set alone time and boundaries for independence, as even in times of isolation we may still desire personal time away from those in our immediate environment.
Communication. Be sure to check in with family members to see how they are doing. This will affect everyone differently, and opening up as a resource to those in your home will establish a household culture of support that will help you and others move forward positively through this extreme environmental pressure.
The cultural norms that guide our lives make up the macrosystem and have a strong impact on our development. These are different across cultures and geographic locations, but during forced growth, they will share commonalities that previously did not exist. While there are many different norms that could be discussed here, this macrosystem analysis will focus on the current environment’s impact on traditional “female” responsibilities within the household. I understand that as a male writer it may appear as patronizing to write on this topic. I do believe it is important that these ideas are at the very least recognized as significant shifts in the macrosystem that will impact your development. I worked with a group from Vanderbilt University’s Introduction to Counseling class to form these recommendations.
Time-based roles. Between their professional job and the historical emphasis on the homemaking role, many women may be faced with more responsibilities due to the increased time spent in the home. Setting clear boundaries that vary based on time, not the task, could be a way to proactively take initiative against these historical norms. For example, Monday, Wednesday and Friday one person cooks, and the remainder of the week another is responsible for cooking. Beyond cooking, historical emphasis on the woman’s role as a caregiver may cause unjust pressure for women to take care of sick family members as well. Using time-based roles could again proactively reduce unequal responsibilities that would impact stress and development during forced growth.
The Introduction to Counseling class wants to acknowledge that there are dangerous conditions right now for victims of domestic violence, as well as difficult situations for nonbinary and transwomen who are not being accepted into their families right now. Please be a resource to anyone you know in these situations, they may very well need your assistance.
I’ve heard quite a few times now, “This will be something I tell my kids about”, and “This will be written in every history book”. But most people stop there. Do imagine for a moment what your children or grandchildren will ask next.
“What did you do during that time?”
It is surreal to acknowledge that we are living in these times. And certainly, there are so many answers you could give to that follow-up question. I hope to some degree those answers involve what you did for others, and what you contributed to helping people get through this. But more so, I hope that when they ask that question you do not think about the question what did you do. Instead, you think about a different question that will reflect your period of forced growth:
Who did you become?
Thank you to Vanderbilt University’s Introduction to Counseling course instructed by Professor Nancy Nolan. The class was instrumental in creating a cohesive argument by providing theories for forced growth recommendations. Special thanks to Professor Nancy Nolan for encouraging this collaboration and for her support in writing this piece.
Arnett, J. (2000). Emerging adulthood. A theory of development from the late teens through the twenties. The American psychologist, 55, 5, 469–80.
Cavanaugh, J., Blanchard-Fields, F., & Neukrug, E. (2017). Introduction to Human Development Theory. Cengage Learning, Boston.
how close is far away when close can not be?
thoughts of forbidden touch sweet as the Apple
the bodily orb ‘neath world’s gravity sinks
for technology’s cure curses the longing spirit.
Three weeks ago I sat down for dinner at Campania, a rustic and authentic Italian restaurant near east London’s Columbia Road flower market. Wandering through the darkened brick streets, it was a bit of a quieter Friday night in London. East London’s typical young crowd seemed to have disappeared, and was replaced by an almost somber solitude. People were out, yet things just did not feel the same.
It was my last night in London. Two months ago I journeyed across the Atlantic to a new temporary home in Hackney. And in a matter of days, everything changed.
There had been one seat available at the bar in Campania, and I gladly accepted. The atmosphere was peaceful, and I figured there would be no better restaurant to replace my cancelled trip to Italy. That night truly did feel like an Italian experience. The open kitchen revealed old men with aprons covered in sauces and flour shouting Italian orders to the kitchen staff, and on the pedestal next to me the restaurant’s cat had found a cozy position on a cushion-covered bench.
There was an unruly tranquility in that restaurant, eating by myself and just observing the world around me. It’s strange to think that was my last experience at a restaurant since the pandemic took control of our lives. Ironic, too, that I sat alone, reflecting on my time.
There is some force that continues to draw my thoughts back to that night. I find peace in revisiting that recent memory, a tranquility that evades the solitude of quarantine and isolation.
Of what dreary, desolate land come you?
Of what right, written or read claim you?
Of who’s earth, battled and farmed walk you?
Of what rank have you, if not native as I?
An ageless poem on immigration and the meaning of nativity
Choice
a quatrain in blank verse
a choice of words is powerful
the option of choice empowering
yet asked to choose a choice
we always choose paralysis.
Nashville skies
Sometimes i picture myself
standing in the nashville rain
beneath the dark and desolate skies
as they unleash their hell onto mine
a far-fetched thought is cemented in my mind
hammered over and over with each falling drop
a repetitive pain renewed and ripped raw
an inescapable symptom of imagination
a familiar ring from the skies
and all seemingly stands still
as your heavenly voice emerges
and needles turn to rays
love’s pyrrhic bitterness appears an unmatched storm
unfit for the the supposed simplicity of life
until the moment your voice is heard
and the nashville skies shine anew
sometimes i picture myself
standing in the nashville sun
your love surrounding me
an overwhelming bliss
who controls these skies?
manipulating pain and pleasure
playing with our love
unpredictable as the nashville weather
A poem on the ups and downs in a relationship
In a fiercely competitive market, consumers are provided with choice. A world of choice yields two results:
1. Decision-fatigue. Consumers are becoming overwhelmed with information overload and forced to analyze and interpret too much.
“More options, even good ones, can freeze us and make us retreat to the default plan. This behavior clearly is not rational, but it is human.” – Switch, Chip and Dan Heath
2. Forced identity crafting. Too many options cause us, and those around us to make a choice. With many options available, what we choose automatically becomes a reflection of who we are. In today’s age of consumerism, our identity is built through choice.
“The goal of business then should not be to simply sell to anyone who wants what you have—the majority—but rather to find people who believe what you believe…they perceive greater value in what you do”. – Start With Why, Simon Sinek.
Ultimately, brand defeated brandless.
My lesson for companies: Build your identity so that we can build our own.
After a visit to London’s National Gallery, I was fascinated by a work by Johannes Vermeer, titled Lady Standing at a Virginal. Exquisite attention to detail yielded a seemingly photographic quality that was nothing short of breathtaking.
After nearly half an hour standing face to face with this 17th-century painting, I found myself in awe of what truly was a masterpiece. When I returned to my flat later that afternoon, my curiosity got the better of me and I immediately turned to Google for a background check. A remarkable painter, Vermeer’s high level of detail and quality was unmatched in the 17th century. Here is one of Vermeer’s most incredible works, The Astronomer.
After a few more clicks I found myself on a fairly recent 2013 documentary titled “Tim’s Vermeer” about renowned inventor Tim Jenison’s quest to recreate the mysteriously photographic qualities of a Vermeer in order to test a hypothesis about Vermeer’s technique. 1 hour and 20 minutes later, I sat reflecting on what was both an eye-opening and astonishing film of Jenison’s effort to paint one of Vermeer’s most incredibly-detailed pieces, The Music Lesson. A one-sentence synopsis: Jenison used mirrors to enable him to paint at the highest level of detail, matching colors from the real painting to his canvas as he nearly perfectly recreated the work of one of history’s greatest masters.The film is available on YouTube for $3 (or just be resourceful with Google) if you’d like to check it out here.
For me, reflecting on this film is where things started to click. Truthfully, this article is a book review on one of my favorite books in the last year. Well, this is more of an application and recognition of the book’s genius, and its relation to Tim Jenison’s striking documentary.
Robert Greene’s 2012 book, Mastery, chronicles the lives of history’s greatest masters, from da Vinci to Darwin to Paul Graham, among many others. Greene discovers patterns in the lives of these famous individuals and relays them to readers in a formulaic manner.
Greene’s Mastery allowed me to contextualize how Jenison was able to reconstruct a Vermeer as his first painting in the broader context of the pursuit of mastery. While many different connections exist between Mastery and Tim’s Vermeer, I want to focus on onespecific parallel: submitting to reality. Greene documents this step as “the ideal apprenticeship”, focusing on deep observation and skill acquisition. First and foremost, deep observation is a self-less and wholely immersive task. For Jenison, it was the complete devotion to studying and understanding Vermeer and his work. It was hundreds of hours of observing and analyzing paintings with the simple goal of learning. For many of us, as Greene documents, this is a challenge. It requires forgoing the need for attention or recognition.
Secondly, Greene details skill acquisition and experimentation. Focus on one specific skill – as Jenison focused on painting in a mirror – and practice, practice practice. Jenison practiced for hours on end using the mirror technique, experimenting, learning and iterating quickly as he identified what worked well using the technique. This is extremely tedious and challenges us to surpass the boredom and pain of not enjoying a satisfactory “success” that may short-circuit the entire process.
As Greene warns, there are many challenges that people today tend to confront within this practice of submitting to reality. First, value learning over money. Jenison’s intentions centered around a pure devotion to learning more about Vermeer and how he was able to make such incredible paintings. Some of the best career experiences come from having this learning mindset (which is why I recommend interning/working in a startup or a non-profit). Second, as Joel Embiid would say, trust the process. Too many of us seek immediate gratification. It would have been easy for Jenison to drop the idea and give up; he spent nearly 1400 days doing this (watch yourself before you complain). Yet he understood that mastery takes time, and in the end, it paid off.
In fact, so many parallels exist between the documentary and the book that it is hard to stop here. But if you are truly dedicated to pursuing mastery, then maybe you should submit to reality and check out the book yourself.
So, the moment you have been waiting for (or perhaps skipped the entire article to see?).
Painting on the left: Tim Jenison. Painting on the right: Johannes Vermeer (~$30 Million Value).
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